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Saturday, July 20, 2013

Giving Up the Control We Never Had

Ann VosKamp did it again.  That woman’s words always minister to my soul.  Click here to read her post about the difference between control and self-control.  Here are my favorite lines:

Here’s what I’ve learned: Every impulse to seize control — is the Holy Spirit’s invitation to practice self-control.

Every nerve jolt to freak out, melt down, start yelling, fly into rage or panic is a divine cue to slow down, breathe deep, start praying, and lean into God.

More words I need to hear.  Waiting is always hard, no matter what we’re waiting for.  It can feel even harder when we are out of control.  We’re past the stage where there are things we can be working on for our adoption.  We’re just waiting on our home study report.  

Then we look over it and send it to our facilitators, and they note any changes to be made.  Then we wait for the changes to be made.  After that, our home study report gets sent to U.S. Immigration, while we wait some more and call and bug them a whole lot to speed up our case. ;)  Once immigration approves us (in the process, we’ll get fingerprinted and all that jazz), we send our approval form over to the kiddos’ country and wait to get our travel dates.

Our home study was on June 25th.  We were told that we would probably have the report back within 2 weeks.  It’s been three and a half weeks and we still don’t have it back yet.  Our social worker was on vacation for one of those weeks and things have been a whirlwind for her since then.  

Last week I was feeling pretty frustrated (ie angry) about the home study report (and had to repent).  Behind my anger was fear.  Fear that it will take a long time to get it to Immigration (which is the biggest step before we can travel) and then Immigration will take a little while and that it will be longer until we travel.  And behind that fear was a lack of trust- not trusting the Lord.

You see, if everything is done in the proper amount of time, then we can travel overseas probably in November and be home before Christmas.  The problem is that their country shuts down operations during the winter, so we can’t travel then.  Which means that if our home study report isn’t done in a timely way and Immigration doesn’t do things in a timely way, then we have to wait until spring to travel.  And the kids will be waiting longer and have a greater chance of being transferred to an institution, which also means a greater chance of death.  

It’s hard to live without V and Z.  We don’t know them, but we love them.  We feel like they’re a part of our family already, even though legally they are not.  Waiting and being without them is hard for our hearts.

I find so much comfort in Jesus’ words in Luke 12:22-34.  Our heavenly Daddy knows just what we need.  And He knows just what V and Z need.  It’s so easy to forget how much He loves us and how much greater His perspective is than ours. He loves us and He loves these children more than we ever could.  Worrying and trying to control the situation doesn’t do anything but cause us more stress.  When I’m worried and want to control the situation, it’s an opportunity to run into the arms of the One who is really in control. 


  1. What a great reminder. We are in the same boat. Each delay makes me worried we are not going to make it before they close for winter.

  2. I hear ya, girl! Thanks SO much for your encouragement yesterday when we were struggling! It was really helpful. :) Also, have you filled out the expedited petition? Baby D should definitely qualify since he has down syndrome. That might help make the process faster too!