No Right Click

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Don't Waste Your Son's Open Heart Surgery

"We have no idea what we're praying," I whispered to my co-worker.  I work in campus ministry and during our last meeting of the school year we sang the song "Oceans" by Hillsong.  The bridge in the song is a terrifying prayer... and we just sang right along.  

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Wherever you will call me?  No. No. No! A thousand times no!  Don't ask me to sing that when we're staring down the barrel of a risky, potentially-won't-work, potentially-fatal open heart surgery!  I don't want to invite God to take me where my trust is without borders.  I've seen where He'll go to do that. 

I heard of this guy a while back; God asked him to give up his son.  Not just by letting him move out of the house or go off to the mission field -- no, to actually sacrifice him.  Knife, altar, fire, and all.  Would he hand over his son to God, or trust his own judgment?  How do you not lean on your own understanding when you're holding a knife above your kid's head...because God told you to.

I'm not sure I want to go there.  To where my trust is without borders. 

Li'l dude waiting for the cardiologist
Why did God tell Abraham to sacrifice Isaac? He says " I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me" (Gen 22:12). I'm sure God knew this already, but together they experienced it.  His faith was made stronger, going further to trust God than he ever imagined possible. 

I, however, called shenanigans a while ago.

God backed us into a corner.  There was no safe decision regarding our son's heart.  All options include risk of mortality.  And I saw immediately what God was doing (I think).  The question being asked: "Will you lean on your own understanding, or will you trust me with the son that I gave you?"

I'm scared -- no, like, really scared.  I'm sure Abraham was, too.  But I don't want to waste the opportunity.  God has placed us in a situation where I have two options.  I could, in bitter, anxious fear, curse God for bringing us here, or I could get out of the boat, let Him scare the mess out of me, and then watch him provide.  I could let him stretch my faith, so I fear him more than surgery. 

Crazy talk?  A little.  But nothing crazier than talking about the "son, the only son" who wasn't spared.  Abraham got Isaac back that day.  The knife was spared.  But at Calvary, God lost His Son.  The cross wasn't spared.  The "knife" sunk in and the Son was sacrificed.

Resurrection miracles require deathly impossible situations.  But Jesus promised (and secured) his resurrection for us.

So, faith.  Faith in that.  Faith in what He accomplished.  Faith in that whether it's on the other side of that operating room or on the other side of eternity I will see my son again.  And either way it will be with a healed body -- one temporary, the other eternally.  Jesus bought that promise for us.  He sealed it in blood.  

So, with great trepidation, I guess I do want to pray that.  God led us here, so why waste it?  Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.  Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call meTake me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior.

1 comment:

  1. Brian, thanks for posting this. I'm deeply encouraged by your and Cort's faith as you continue to walk with Him as you care for Noah and his heart. I'm challenged to pray that same prayer even though I too just don't want to! Thanks for sharing bro, looking forward to seeing you soon :-).